Proximity

Whoever said, "out of sight, out of mind" was clearly out of their own mind.

I've lived in Michigan for almost exactly three years, and I've learned a lot about the ways that this change in proximity to friends and family can change your life.

"Out of sight" does NOT mean "out of mind". In fact, I think "out of sight, always on the mind" would be more accurate. When something really good or really bad happens when you're not around I think the feelings become more pronounced. If your best friend has twins, for example, the fact that you can't just come over and play with them all the time makes you sad a lot. It also makes you even more happy when you finally do get to see them. If someone dies, gets divorced, gets sick, etc., the fact that you can't immediately (or sometimes at all) be physically there for that person is mentally draining.

The phone/Facebook/Skype/Twitter/e-mail is simply not a good enough replacement. It just isn't.

You have to learn not to take it personally when you stop getting invited to certain things. Nobody expects you to pack up your kid and your car and drive 260 miles for lunch or dinner. You tell yourself over and over that they haven't forgotten you, it's just that they know you can't come, so why ask?

When you come in town to visit you will always, and I mean always, be stressed and tired. You only have about three days (which is usually 7 meals) to try and see about 30 people. There are not enough lunches or dinners or breakfasts to accommodate seeing everyone you want to. Then of course, you have to deal with the people who make your life even more stressed and complicated because you don't see them when they want you to see them. On their terms. Or they get mad when you choose to spend time with someone else for a change. There is never any time to simply relax. You are always on the go and you always come home more exhausted then when you left. Of course, since you got to see your friends and family, it was worth it.

You have to rely on others. Did you leave your computer charger in Columbus? Gotta rely on someone to take the time and spend their money to ship it to you. Either that, or you gotta wait until the next time you come back. This is especially hard for a person who is not good at waiting.

OSU games are not the same in Michigan (or in any other state, I'm assuming). Nobody knows what to do if you yell, "O-H". In fact, they probably think you've lost your mind.

There's a lot of guilt associated with moving further away.

It becomes even trickier when you live at a distance where you could drive back home for things. 8-10 hours round trip can be done in a day and some people think you can just do this whenever you want. Gas is expensive. Oil changes add up. Your butt gets really sore from sitting in the car. Your little boy should be running around playing with toys, not sitting in a car sucking on his pacifier (because it keeps him happy in the car). You have to learn to say no to things; sometimes you just can't make the trip. End. Of. Discussion.

You have to learn that others can't always make the drive up to visit, either. Their gas is expense. Their oil changes add up. They have Ohio license plates and will likely get yelled at or cut off while driving into "the state up north". 8-10 hour trips are hard on their butts, too.

Sharing holidays sucks. Instead of having to drive to one other place, you have to drive to many other places. People want to see you for the holidays (and you want to see them!), but sometimes you also want to stay at home and relax. Of course, you end up making the drive because your desire to see them outweighs your desire to relax.

You lose touch with people. It's inevitable and unavoidable. I didn't expect this to happen, but I should have.

It takes a long time to make 20+ years worth of friends, and three years is not long enough. In fact, I don't have a single friend up here. I have people I know through church groups, and people I know from Dustin's program, but nobody that comes over to watch a movie or scrapbook or go shopping. Wait, does Henry count?

Given the situation we're in, all of these things are likely going to repeat themselves in two years. Dustin will be finished with his program and we will be moving. While we don't know where we'll be, we will definitely be moving. That part is 100% sure. The chances of us returning to Columbus are getting smaller and smaller. Dustin just recently found out (through a very reliable source) that OSU will most likely not be hiring next year (when he goes on the job market) for his department. They just hired three people, so unless someone leaves unexpectedly, chances are slim. I'd say, maybe 5% at this point.

I'm guessing the next time we move, things will be a little easier. We'll be there more permanently (though not forever, most likely) and we won't be in the poor house. (The poor house sucks, in case anyone wanted to know.)

This is just stuff that happens and I'm not upset by it (though I used to be). It's just part of the deal when you make the choice we did.

On the bright side, when you hardly know anyone, you can go to Target in your sweats and without makeup on and not worry about running into someone you know.

That part is kind of nice.