But You've Got Great Equipment

I was blog-hopping this afternoon and came across this little gem.

For those of you mothers out there, I think this was exactly the blog post I'd been waiting to read. Warning: it's about breastfeeding.

Maybe some of you know, I had a rough go breastfeeding Henry. Let me start off with a list of reasons that breastfeeding is great:

1) It's made just for your little baby. Your child's own perfect blend of good stuff that comes preheated and measured in just the right amount*

2) It can help prevent a bunch of diseases.

3) You can bond with your child.

4) On second thought, there' a bunch of other reasons. I'm too lazy to type them all out, so if you're curious look it up.

Obviously, I think it's a good idea since I tried to do it.

*(sometimes it's in the right amount... in our case, not so much)

Henry breastfed poorly from the start. Probably the biggest reason was because he had physiological jaundice which put him in the hospital for two days during his first week of life. The only way to cure jaundice is by special lights (sometimes sunlight will do the trick if the levels aren't too high... Henry's levels were high) and plenty of fluids to help flush the bilirubin out of the baby's system. Since my milk hadn't come in yet, I had to supplement with formula to help him make more pees and poos. Not wanting to confuse the poor fella with a bottle, and at the suggestion of the lactation consultant, we cup fed him. Yes we did. With a tiny medicine cup. It was time-consuming, frustrating, and generally a bad experience for all of us. In the meantime, I rented the high-powered hospital breast pump in order to suck the hell out of my boobs and stimulate milk production.

When my milk finally came in (after about a week), Henry would only breastfeed on the right side. Don't ask me why. Don't ask Dustin why and don't ask the lactation consultant why. Nobody had any idea. We tried all different positions -- even one where Henry laid on his belly on my belly and had to arch his neck up (this was a serious last-ditch effort). The LC (who had a wonderful British accent) told me that I "had great equipment" and Henry should have been eating like a champ. She told me to keep at it and in the meantime, be sure to keep pumping so I would get more milk. Check. Did that. I pumped and drank lots of water and tried to breastfeed him, but it wasn't happening. He did not like doing it. He would scream every time I would try to get him to eat. I kept on cup feeding him. Unfortunately, when you cup feed a tiny infant, they spill a lot of their milk. I wasn't making a ton to begin with, so you can imagine that he wasn't getting enough food. I continued to supplement with formula.

After a HORRIBLE bout with mastitis (which made me feel like I was going to die) and two weeks of frustration and weight loss (for Henry) I was at my wits end. I was now trying to pump with two different pumps (just in case one worked better), but still not making enough. The doctors told me that if Henry continued to lose weight, they would need him back in the hospital to monitor feedings. (Did I mention that while this was happening I was at the beginning stages of my gallbladder attacks?) I decided after about 5 weeks that it wasn't going to work for us.

I returned the pumps and bought formula. Henry was happy, he gained weight and I was a lot less stressed. Honestly, I wasn't guilty about it either. I gave it a more than fair shot. When we would go for check ups and nurses and doctors would ask about me breastfeeding him (my office is very pro-breastfeeding), I would worry that they thought I was an evil non-breastfeeding mother. As for myself, I was generally just happier not doing it. I wish Henry would have done better and I wish I could have made gallons upon gallons of liquid gold, but I didn't. So I'm over it.

I don't really worry about the health benefits of it either. Henry is perhaps the healthiest and happiest child I have ever met. He has never been on antibiotics. Not so much as an ear infection. For goodness sake, the child has had maybe three cases of diaper rash that didn't go away in a day. He's had the sniffles, but with a little nasal saline, they went away. Maybe he'll have something later in life, but I am certainly not going to worry that it's because he didn't get breastfed for long enough. I have way too many things to worry about to add that to my list.

I just thought this woman's blog post summed up my thoughts pretty well. If it doesn't work out, that's OK. If you don't want to breastfeed at all, that's OK too. Your child can still be healthy, happy and bonded to you even if you don't or even if you don't do it for long. I'll give it another shot when we have our next child, but I'm not going to let it ruin my experience if it doesn't turn out to work again.